Back in fall 2007, I had the opportunity to spend some time with my dad and my sister in Chicago, IL, USA. It was my first trip to the US and as I always say with every adventure travels that I do, I fell instantly at home. The whole place was so quiet and it has this “senti” mood in the air. Being a sentimental guy that I am, I kind of found my piece of solace in the busyness of my world.
It didn’t take much time for me to navigate the city by myself. It didn’t take much time for me to make my own itineraries for my day to day. And, as every newbie to a place, I often found myself getting lost. But, it didn’t deter me from exploring the place. Instead, it made me know the place quite fast. I never road a taxi in my entire visit. I just lived like a local. I road the buses and the trains. Whenever I am short with cash and I am not sure where to go, I just walk. That’s how “cheapipay” I am when it comes to leisure.
There’s this one instance where I rode the last train going back to our place and I was drawn by its emptiness. I said to myself, “Parang Sine lang ah (just like in the movies)”. It was just so serene. Imagine this, it was freezing cold (about 0C in the night), about 11 in the evening, and it’s just you at the station. It was empty. Not even 1 security guard can be seen!
I realized that it is through emptying ourselves of the clutter and worries that we can only get in touch with the root of all our stress. Well, at least that’s how I see it. Anyway, It is only through that “quiet time” that I was able to really relate myself with God. It’s like an empty train station. We have to empty ourselves through Christ where we can really sort out our lives properly.
And now, I kind of feel that way again, I feel so full that I can’t see through the root of my stress. I’m just so exhausted of getting lost every time. I’m exhausted of taking care of things which I am not supposed to. I’m just tired of getting trampled on by insensitivity of others. I want to take myself to a place where I could just listen to Your voice. I just want to stop in your presence. I just want to unload all to Him. I hope that I would never get lost again. This train of events in my life, I pray that it leads me every time to Your direction because I know that I won’t get lost in You.
Lord, I am just excited for what lies ahead. Take care of me as I unload all of my self to you, especially my worries, fears, and pains. Take care of them. Mold me to your liking and show me the promises you placed in my heart. Lord, correct my ways for I cannot do it alone. I’ve tried it and I fall every time. Lord, be my Strength as I let go of all the ties I have in this world.
Originally written September 9, 2009.