21 Then he brought forward the tribe of Benjamin, clan by clan, and Matri’s clan was chosen. Finally Saul son of Kish was chosen. But when they looked for him, he was not to be found.

22 So they inquired further of the Lord, “Has the man come here yet?”
And the Lord said, “Yes, he has hidden himself among the baggage.”

***

As I was reading my daily devotional, it always interests me to read the story of how Israel started to have Kings. And if I am not mistaken, the first King of Israel was Saul. It is the time when the Israelites asked for someone to rule over them. It was also a transitional time from the Judges to the Kings. It was at this moment where finally, someone was annointed by God to head over His chosen people as King.

However, like Saul, most of us, when we are given duties, tasks, and goals, we hid ourselves from our destiny. Many times we mistakenly hid from the inevitable limelight as a sign of being humbly. But the truth of the matter is, it’s more of a character issue having a sense of false humility. When we’re supposed to be the Head, we shy away to be the tail. When we’re suppose to lead, we shy away to just be silent and turn a blind eye.

As narrated how Saul’s initial response to his appointment, “Then he brought forward the tribe of Benjamin, clan by clan, and Matri’s clan was chosen. Finally Saul son of Kish was chosen. But when they looked for him, he was not to be found.” It might be that he was nervous with the appointment or maybe he just have some deep insecurity complex in him. But whatever his reason might be, God’s grace was there.

When He calls for someone, even if we’re too hidden on our own baggages, we will be found. God is a mighty God who loves us more than we can ever imagine. He seeks for his people. He calls them. He finds them.

I’m not sure about this, but that attitude of Saul gives us a glimpse of cracks in his character which would later be more pronounce in his kingship. He hides during times of great need. He hides himself under a shroud of pretenses. And that’s the reason why He was rejected soon by God.

On a personal note to self, I have tons of issues, flaws, and baggages to hid myself to from God’s greater purposes. And I just couldn’t thank God more how He always finds me and rescues me. He’s always there as Hero of the story. He teaches, rebukes, and corrects me. He takes me back to His gentle love when I fail Him. I realized that I am like Saul. I always crack when it matters. I have false humility. I have misguided sense of responsibility, ownership, and value system. But God is gracious as always.

Lord, I pray that you’ll never grow tired of me. I pray that you keep me under your wings. I pray that you seal those cracks in my character, you purify my heart and my soul, and you make my personality real to what you designed me to be. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Driven

I was thinking, I really need to focus on things that really matters. Sometimes, we all tend to focus on the wrong things, especially on some pursuits that aren’t really worth the time, effort, and tears. It’s just futile and a waste in the end. One can’t take back the lost time spent.

I took this picture, not because I am vain. I took this as a reflection of what I do (at times) whenever I drive, especially on long distances. I think. Sometimes I pray (talk to God), or just stay silent.

It didn’t take much time for me to navigate the city by myself. It didn’t take much time for me to make my own itineraries for my day to day. And, as every newbie to a place, I often found myself getting lost. But, it didn’t deter me from exploring the place. Instead, it made me know the place quite fast. I never road a taxi in my entire visit. I just lived like a local. I road the buses and the trains. Whenever I am short with cash and I am not sure where to go, I just walk. That’s how “cheapipay” I am when it comes to leisure.

There’s this one instance where I rode the last train going back to our place and I was drawn by its emptiness. I said to myself, “Parang Sine lang ah (just like in the movies)”. It was just so serene. Imagine this, it was freezing cold (about 0C in the night), about 11 in the evening, and it’s just you at the station. It was empty. Not even 1 security guard can be seen!

Train Station

I realized that it is through emptying ourselves of the clutter and worries that we can only get in touch with the root of all our stress. Well, at least that’s how I see it. Anyway, It is only through that “quiet time” that I was able to really relate myself with God. It’s like an empty train station. We have to empty ourselves through Christ where we can really sort out our lives properly.

And now, I kind of feel that way again, I feel so full that I can’t see through the root of my stress. I’m just so exhausted of getting lost every time. I’m exhausted of taking care of things which I am not supposed to. I’m just tired of getting trampled on by insensitivity of others. I want to take myself to a place where I could just listen to Your voice. I just want to stop in your presence. I just want to unload all to Him. I hope that I would never get lost again. This train of events in my life, I pray that it leads me every time to Your direction because I know that I won’t get lost in You.

Lord, I am just excited for what lies ahead. Take care of me as I unload all of my self to you, especially my worries, fears, and pains. Take care of them. Mold me to your liking and show me the promises you placed in my heart. Lord, correct my ways for I cannot do it alone. I’ve tried it and I fall every time. Lord, be my Strength as I let go of all the ties I have in this world.

At a young age, I was exposed to the realities of life – that some were born less fortunate than others. I saw little kids at the streets fending off for themselves and for their families. They were selling various items to the passing motorists hoping to make a sale enough for their daily needs. I remember my dad kept saying to us that we need to study hard so as to be successful in our lives, and eventually for us to be able to provide enough for our family when the time comes. He warned us that if we didn’t study or made sacrifices for our exams and all, we might end up like those on the streets. And he said it with a commanding fatherly voice to believe him. He said that we don’t want to see our family suffer later on. Those words made such an impact in my life that probably kept me from really ruining my life, even when I was at my rebellious point of my life.

Now, that I am old enough to have my own family, I am thankful for my dad’s wisdom. I never really understood it back then but now, it makes sense. The decisions I made in my life basically revolved with that fear of not being able to provide because I didn’t do well or at least enough. It was never really a pressure from my family that I felt I have to do this and do that. I didn’t really feel I was being ordered to by my parents. No. The pressure came from within. But at the time, I was like, “what are you trying to say dad? And why are you being too hard on us?” But as I look back at it, I guess my dad was being himself to us. He meant well, he just delivered it differently.

But the real question is, should parents expect their kids to help out in supporting the family? As a true blooded Philippine born Filipino that I am, I think it’s alright. Our ties with family members go beyond anything else. There’s an old saying that says “Blood is thicker than water”. Filipinos have that strong family ties. You can still see a 40 year old man living with his parents! And sometimes parents tolerate their kids on living sinful lives because they’re their children! Yes, it is being taken out of context most of the time. However, my dad was very clear that he won’t lift a finger if we become a disgrace and would let the axe of justice fall to where it would hit. He was clear about the law. Anyway, that’s a totally different topic.

Going back, I believe that it is OK to expect your children to help out and contribute in the family. As a son, I believe that helping out in the family is one of the greatest things you can do to somehow appreciate all the things my parents did not just for me, but to the whole family. It’s a way of showing gratitude that they brought me up well and provided me with all the things I need. I know that I can never ever repay them in full, never. But helping out is a way to show respect and honor to my parents whom God chose for me to have.

But what is a breadwinner really? According to the dictionary, it’s a person who earns a livelihood for the family or dependents. Having established that context, should children be expected to earn livelihood for the family? I believe the answer is no. It’s like taking away your children’s dreams for themselves. It’s like robbing them of their own life. It would be unfair to expect your kid to be the provider for the whole family.

However, sometimes circumstances dictate the roles one has to play. There’s the single mom. There’s the single dad. There’s the “parent” sister or brother in a family. For some reason, that’s just life and we have to deal with it. I am aware that, for sure, there are children out there who are being forced to take on the role of being the breadwinner of the family. It must be tough to support for a family when at the back of your mind, you can use the money for your own personal interests.

So what about those who volunteer to help out, you might ask? There are cases wherein circumstances are forcing every member of the family to work in order to make ends meet. In that case, everyone must become breadwinners. But what does the bible says about being a so called “breadwinner”? Paul wrote an interesting letter to Timothy (1 Timothy 6:6-20). As I reflect on Paul’s letter with being a breadwinner, is about being a breadwinner in the eyes of God. In line with that, one of my favorite passages in the bible says it in MT 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”. Everything sums up to that. Because when you follow God, everything just falls into their proper places. Amazing!

Senti For You

lupet mo lang talaga.
ang tindi.
sige pa.
wag kang tumigil.

wag mo ako tantanan
breakthroughs after breakthroughs
bring me to places
bring me to life

di rin ako maka paniwala
pero kaw na bahala
basta ako susunod lang
ang lupet mo kasi

Hanep.Champion.
Oo, nahihirapan parin ako
pero sige lang, tuloy mo lang
wag kang tumigil
walang humpay

para sa isang tulad ko
mas marami ang tanong kesa sa sagot
pero pakita mo sakin ang sinasabi mo
wala na akong pakialam kung ano, sino, pano
kaw na bahala
susunod lang ako.

I am Amazed by You.

God has been so good to me lately. Today, I woke up pretty bright and bubbly. I am wearing this big smile that God will fulfill his promise. My faith has been on a constant test but I must be patient and I must persevere. I have a stronger faith today than yesterday. And with that, I challenge God to fulfill his promises. I am running towards God and I am submitting myself to him and his gracious will.

You are my Shepperd, my Lord, and my God,  Jesus Christ.  I am so filled with Joy and Hope that I know I’ll be successful in all of my endeavors and that you’ll protect me and you’ll bless me abundantly.

to the Beyond!

It’s being loved. And I couldn’t think of any other person that I would want that love to come from, it’s no other than her.

But, I just want to focus on my other wants… and this, I leave everything to God to write my Love Story .

:)

Second, and probably the bigger reason why I’m distracted and uneasy, is because of her. I just couldn’t get myself to let go. I just couldn’t bear the thought of it right now. It’s taking precious brain resources and mental energy thinking about her and stopping myself from doing that. It’s just insane.

I’m doing the best I could to go on with my life. Yet, I am failing to wrap it up and move forward. Here I am, writing these silly thoughts of her and how I am spinning this little world that I have.  Can’t I just be happy? Can’t I just be free?

I hate this feeling of not being able to do things that really matters because of just one person…. who happens to be the world to me.

She doesn’t know about this.  No, this is not a secret love or whatever. It’s just I don’t want to express anymore these emotions.  I just want them to fade away in time.

Later!

What About Honor?

It seems like the word Honor is just another title being attached to a politician like Honorable Congressman/Senator … Or is it just a medal this days where people brandish the word honor like its a piece of junk that they can acquire and throw away? 

Or is it about respect and distinction beyond doubt? Honor. This moved me to ask myself, am I being honorable to my parents, to my siblings, to my friends, and to the society? Ultimately, do I honor God? 

It’s not just about having a title. I think it’s a testament 
of a life lived under the light of Integrity.

***
American War Memorial.